It still hurts. Not being able to touch you, call you, hear your voice. Not getting to listen to your stories and laugh. Not having your physical presence is the most indescribable and absurd event that has ever happened to me. So incomprehensible that it is as if my brain does not want it to be true, and it refuses to understand and accept this reality for the most part. It is surreal. And in those moments when it does seem real, I am run over by an avalanche of feelings so strong that can only last a few minutes at a time. Homeopathic doses of the reality of your absence.